Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Hurt and Confused: My Own Version of Ms Manners

I so needed a place where I could vent, and then I remembered my blog.

I have been planning my son's 13th birthday/bar mitzvah/confirmation party for two months. I had never planned a party this big before. The list of invitations included 45 people and all but 3 came. It was alot of work as I did most of the cooking myself. We did purchase the fabulous Pierce's BBQ for the main dish. The invitations were RSVP so I wouldn't overcook or over purchase BBQ and be left with enough to feed us for a year.

For one, I don't think people know what RSVP means anymore. Let's clarify. Wikipedia defines RSVP as Répondez s'il vous plaît", a French phrase that translates to "Please respond". It is with this meaning that invitation cards and similar documents are often marked with "R.S.V.P." One very good reason for RSVP is so that the host (or hostess) in my case doesn't overcook, overorder....whatever...she's prepared. Would you believe only ONE person RSVP'd out of 42? I actually called people the week before to find out if they were coming and to confirm my food order.

My son had a wonderful time. He got to see family and friends, he got to play and be silly with lots to do and lots of gifts. He was exhausted as the evening began to approach. We still had alot of food left over as some of our guests hung around until dinner time. I offered the BBQ again and told them they were all welcome to it.

I could hardly believe it when I found out in the next few minutes that they (two families I'd known for about 10 years) decided to order pizza and have it sent to my house. I was shocked. I couldn't believe that after all my hard work my two closest friends would insult me like that and never even have the nerve to ask me if it was okay with me. Of course all the guests that were left over wanted pizza after that and I can tell you the steam was bursting out of my ears. I kept my cool until they left. I feel so offended and I am NOT someone who is easily offended. If you read this and you have an opinion...share. I'd really like to know how you would feel if this happened to you. I personally cannot imagine going to any RSVP party at anyone's house and ordering and delivering other food. What do you think?

Hurt and Confused With Ten Tons of BBQ



TLCknits said...

I'm floored..Sadly, some folks just don't THINK before they act! I wish more did!

Paula said...

I believe that is is extremely rude and totally inexcusable. I can't imagine acting that way and you have every right to be offended. I know what you mean about the R.S.V.P.'s also. Some people now think it means to only respond if you cannot come which is not true (that would be "regrets only). It doesn't take long to make one phone call.

Thanks for visiting my blog and leaving a comment.

yarnprincess said...

The art of the RSVP is long lost. Check out Virginia Heffernan's article on E-vites in the NY Times Magazine: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/04/13/magazine/13wwln-medium-t.html?scp=1&sq=evite&st=nyt
(You probably have to get a login name, but it's free). I read it and I understand her indignation, but at the same time, I kept thing, "Yes, but if people knew what it meant to RSVP, they wouldn't subject themselves to the multiple reminders.

As for the ordering of pizza to your house, I can only hope that your friends thought, "We feel guilty sticking around and not contributing -- she shouldn't have to cook for us again, and we don't want to impose if she doesn't have enough BBQ from before..." I am surprised that no one asked you, and allowed you to take charge. It was, after all, a party that you were planning.

I guess what it comes down to, sadly, is that people really have no class.

Mimi said...

First of all, thanks for leaving a compliment in my blog :)

I'm sorry to hear that happened to you. Its very reasonable for you to be offended. If it happened to me, I don't think I would be able to keep my cool...I won't be able to hide my disappointment.

knittingnurse said...

I would be just as shocked as you were but, sadly, I don't think that I would have been able to keep my mouth shut. RSVPing or not, ordering food and having it delivered to someone else's party (where food is being provided) is uncalled for. Even people is 3 world countries know more about manners than that!

I commend you on your ability to keep quiet in the face of such lack of courtesy.

Really, what is this country coming to?

Bethany Hissong said...

Thanks for visiting today! My last pair of socks I knit were finished last summer... I'm so behind on any knitting projects! I can totally understand how you would feel offended by friends bringing in food. I would like to think that they just thought they were being nice by not eating all your food since they stayed later than expected. But who knows?! The RSVP thing is annoying too. I just decide when things like this happen, that I'll teach my own children to have good manners. it makes you think twice about throwing a big party again, doesn't it? But it sounds like they all enjoyed themselves so take comfort in that.

MRS MJW said...

Thank you all so much. The feedback was eye opening. I kept trying to talk myself out of being upset and hurt, but it appears I am not the only one who would have felt this way.

Nan said...

I can relate with the RSVP situation and the over abundance of food, we had a similar thing happen for our daughter graduation party.

I only hope I can remain cool and and unscathed by that functions out come and not let it taint the upcoming wedding of same daughter!

But as far as the ordering pizza part, it was a bit rude to do so with out consulting you first, but it could be as 2 others have mentioned earlier that they were trying to save you work and felt guilty for hanging around so long or something.

I hear BBQ freezes quit well at least!

SweetPeaknits said...

Oh my goodness, the chutzpah! Yes, I'd be just as mad as you, blooming cheek.

Meanwhilst, I hope your son had the time of his life.

MRS MJW said...

Thanks again for the comments. My son DID have the time of his life. It really was great. Interesting to add in this saga though that one friend totally apologized for the ordering of food while the other totally attacked me for every being upset about it. It goes to show how different people can be I guess.

Joanne said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog. I own both an Xbox and Xbox 360 and play with both of my two 9 year old grandsons. They are pretty quick with the controllers were I am strategic. We have a lot of fun together.

Take care.

Octopus Knits said...

Yeesh! I would have been very disturbed over the pizza ordering (and the lack of RSVPs is incredibly annoying, too) - and like knittingnurse, I likely would not have been able to keep from expressing this to those particular party attendees.

I'm glad the party went well otherwise and was enjoyable for your son : )

Romi said...

Is it possible they thought it would be more relaxing for you after all your work to have food brought in?

Congrats that the party went off well! :) Sorry to hear that your guests were a tad clueless. :/

Ms. Diva said...

Unbelieveable!! I cannot these people would be so rude, and congratulations for keeping your cool. I do not think I would have been as gracious.