Friday, February 8, 2008

Ben and Jerry To The Rescue

Feeling down gets me thinking...waaaay to much.

I started smoking for the first time my senior year in high school. I started because (dumb reason in retrospect of course) my friend who drove me to school smoked heavily all the way to school. I figured "what the hey" I'm getting all this second hand smoke anyway...might as well enjoy it. Ugh! That was how many years ago? eeek...too long to mention.

I quit smoking for a couple of years before my first child was born. I started again after my second child was born and quit again before the third was born. I started smoking about a year after the third child was born and smoked until I got pregnant with the fourth. I started again when my father died three months after the fourth was born. I just quit smoking about 10 months ago when I found out I was pregnant with Zeke (number 5). What a @#$%&!! rollercoaster! I said I'd quit for good after the last baby. I mean to...that is...I'd like to stay quit. I just crave the darn things so badly. I don't even smoke the ones with all the additives that make them especially addictive. I smoked American Spirits. My husband quit for the first time with this last child. I think alot of what is keeping me from smoking is feeling that he will smoke also and that is not fair to him.

I didn't quit because of popular opinions. I always smoked outdoors and took care not to annoy other people with it. I never smoked during a pregnancy. I didn't quit because of my health. I come from a long line of heavy smokers who are a pretty sturdy stock and live healthy until around the age of 90 something. I quit for good because my daughter (6 at the last quit time) told me that watching me smoke made her want to do it.

I'm not a drug taker...not even asprin...not even a motrin during any of the five natural hard and long birth/labors of my five wonderful children. I do however miss my American Spirits. I am trying so hard to resist. I think about it alot. I don't think of myself as an especially weak person...rather strong I'd say. This just happens to be my achilles heal. Anyway...I thought blogging about it might help ease the addict demons and of course a little Ben and Jerry's always helps!

Some light online shopping could cheer me up temporarily....hint...




Nan said...

I personally have never smoked, but my parents both smoked for all my growing up years, my mother even smoked with all 8 of her pregnancies, and I am the youngest. She died of cancer when I was 8 years old, not lung cancer, but that is what I was told until I was 21, she had colon cancer, anyway the cancer scare is what kept me from starting.

I know how tempting it is to do what the peers do so it's not a dumb reason you give, just a normal teen issue. My own daughter who is 25 smokes and has quit 4 times now, I wish she had never started up again, but with her divorce, the stress issues tempted her too much and she begain again, seeking it's comfort.

The last time she quit, she took up knitting so she could keep her hands busy, but she also gained a lot of weight and she claims it's one of the reasons she started smoking again to help her loose weight, I think it's an excuse, but unfortunately she has actually lost weight since she took it back up, so now that is even more ingrained in her mind that smoking helps her loose weight, I try to remind her when ever I can, that I see a LOT of fat people who smoke, so it can't be all that good a diet tool!

Anyway, keep up the good work and I'll be rooting you on in your success of staying smoke free!

janet said...

I just learned that addictions like smoking alter the brain chemstry in such a way that your body craves the addiction in the same way that you crave food when your hungry. It is very difficult to quit and re-adjust that chemistry. Try the patch or something like that to help you - Your childrens future is worth it.

Klavers from MI said...

I say.....line up some yarns you REALLY want to have. Every time you say 'no' to the cigs....put some money in your yarn fund jar so you can SEE it. Then, buy yarn, not tar :) I also was tempted thru my first pregnancy but when we are ready deliverance is at hand!!

Go for it....if you can handle that many labors....this is a no brainer ( any minute to have #4 here). One of my other gf's started to spend 10min on the treadmill every time she wanted to light up.

YOU CAN DO THIS!!! (and retail therapy never stinks ;) )

Nan said...

Happy Valentines Day!

NH Knitting Mama said...

I work in a hospital clinic. Chantix is a new drug on the market that is helping people have much better success rates with quitting. You may want to look into that if you are having a hard time staying away from the ciggies.

Good luck! I have heard it is the hardest thing to quit in the world.

MRS MJW said...

As ironic as it may sound I don't do drugs... especially pharmaceuticals...but thanks for the concern.

jamie said...

Thanks so much for sharing this. I have pretty bad asthma, and am pretty much dependent on albuterol just to live. So, smoking has never crossed my mind. I only say that to convey the extent to which I really can not relate, other than being 'addicted' to albuterol.

I have a ten year old daughter, and plan to show this to her, because it is very raw and realistic in terms of making a point about why not to start smoking.

Good Luck!